he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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