So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
