what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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