That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
