I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
