I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
