So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
