I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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