I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There's always time for handjobs
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I can't turn off my feet"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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