the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
