like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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