is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
