If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
