I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
