Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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