I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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