So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
