u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
