i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
