I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
