After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
