Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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