Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
