weddingsv make me drug and hornr
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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