I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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