apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we're making bets on your personal life
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
