Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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