you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
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