that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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