so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
