is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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