You smell like stripper and shame
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
