70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
