I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
