i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
