Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
