Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
