So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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