she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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