grandma shit on top of the toilet
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Randomize
