I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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