the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
