I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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