im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
