We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
