Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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