i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
