I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
