I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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