I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
