new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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