i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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