I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
