First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
