Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
