you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
