My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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