I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
