3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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