I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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